While the thought of
this version of “the talk” may seem as awkward as the one you had with your teenagers,
it’s even more important to initiate it, because it’s for your own benefit, as
well as your children’s. You can make it
clear to them who you want to handle your finances when you can no longer do it
yourself. (This may be especially
important if your choice is not your oldest child or an otherwise obvious one.) Making your plans and expectations clear now
will prevent worries (yours and theirs) during future health crises and other
stressful times; also, your children will know what you want them to do and
where to find the information they need to do it. Explaining what your retirement income and
resources will be will allay concerns your children may have. Also, detailing how much you expect to leave
behind and how you plan to divide it among your heirs will quell speculation
and minimize or eliminate fighting over your estate.
Here are some tips that
will help you conduct a stress-free family meeting:
1. Plan the discussion when everyone you want
involved can be present; set up a conference call with anyone who can’t attend.
2. Decide what you want to share; write an
agenda, if it will help you organize your thoughts.
3. Show your children your respect by listening
to their concerns and answering their questions. (Entertaining their suggestions is optional.)
4. If you have concerns about leaving anything
to a particular family member, address it so there are no surprises for anyone
down the road.
5. Be clear about your current plans – and that they
can change. Assure them that you’ll notify
them of any major modifications to the plan.
6. If you are concerned that this meeting will
not go well with one or more of your family members, ask a financial therapist,
financial advisor, or other professional to help facilitate the discussion.
Sharing the details
of your financial life with your children is not relinquishing control over it. You’ll merely be acknowledging that a time
may come when you will need their help, and you want to make it as easy on them
as you can. If you don’t give them this
information, you may be forcing them to someday make decisions based on what
they think you would want. That scenario will be more stressful for them,
and their decisions will be less likely to concur with your wishes. Overcome the potential awkwardness and show
your children that you trust them, not only with this most personal of information,
but with your future.
